Mary Jane's a Bitch

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THE FACTS: According to a Seattle based study released on Monday, men who smoke marijuana regularly could be 70% more likely to develop testicular cancer. Testicular Cancer can be prevented with copious amounts of masturbation.

JUDGMENT: *wheez*cough* AH SHIT!!! *cough*cough*

Long Anticipated Westminster Dog Show Coverage

THE FACTS: This year's competition started today with 2486 dogs from 170 different breeds. Westminster is a two day competition for socially retarded dog owners.

JUDGMENT: I'll admit that I watch portions of the Westminster Dog Show every year. While it's not the most riveting television on the air, it does beat fast forwarding your tivo through The Biggest Loser until you get to the weigh-ins. I cross my fingers every year hoping that it will end up like Best In Show. PS-When is there gonna be a Comedy Central Presents Stand Up Special with Lolcats?

New Flo Rida

THE FACTS: Flo Rida is from Florida.This isn't a real music video, sorry. I heard this song at a stop light; I liked it so I turned it up really loud. A suburban woman driving a Suburban next to me stared with disdain.

JUDGMENT: It's better than the 1984 Dead or Alive "You Spin Me Round" cuz it's dirty.

Well I Climbed Out From Underneath that Rock....

THE FACTS: Slumdog has been nominated for 10 Oscars. I have been a "phone a friend." (I got my question correct.)

JUDGMENT: I know. I know. I know. I just saw it tonight, and I'm lam(p)e. Well........I LOVED THE BOLLYWOOD CREDITS....and the rest of it too. Aside from Prem Kumar's pronunciation of "millionaire" and "rupEES" it was pretty much flawless and I hope it wins all of it's nominations. Plus MIA's "Paper Planes" is ingeniously incorporated. What's not to love?

Bacon Mac 'N Cheese Pizza Hut Pasta

THE FACTS: Hey guys the pastas from Pizza Hut!!!!

JUDGMENT: Ewwwwww.

ADHD (The Popular Man's Disease)

THE FACTS: Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder is a disease characterized by short attention span and excessive energy. A popular man is a person liked by all. I have ADHD; I'm popular.

JUDGMENT: If you have ADHD you will be the popular kid in school. Everyone loves people with ADHD they are freaking awesome (unless you live with one.)

30 Rockefeller Plaza

Watch the Best 2 minutes of TV from last year.

Believe in the Stars

THE FACTS: 30 Rock has won five Golden Globes. Tina Fey has a bad-ass face scar like mine.

JUDGMENT: I am obsessed with this show. Tracy Jordan, Jenna Maroney, Jack Donaghy, and Kenneth Parcell each represent a corner of the comedy quadrilateral: Eccentricity, Unfamiliarity, Money, and Ignorance respectively. Liz Lemmon is Lam(p)e. Tina Fey on the other hand is a flippin' genius. WHY ARE YOU WEARING A MONSTER CLAW? PRICELESS.